Sleep, Sleep, Glorious Sleep

Some people like to hike. Some like to watch movies. Others enjoy a nice run around the local park. Knitting seems to be pretty popular these days too. As for me, the most enjoyable activity I can think of is SLEEP. I sleep so much that I could argue a good case supporting the idea that sleep is an actual hobby of mine.

I've always been big on sleeping. My teenage years were spent yelling through my bedroom door for my family to quiet down so that I could continue sleeping into the afternoon. In college, I purposely registered for classes no earlier than 10:00 AM if possible. I'd much rather start late and end late than start early and have the late afternoon free.

Now, I sleep so much that the husband is rather scared by how much I can remain in la la land. He knows better than to try to wake me up. He's tried many times in the past and has realized that I am a very unpleasant person when I'm tired. He now knows better and leaves me alone to enjoy my snoozefest. If there's one thing I look forward to on the weekends, it's being able to sleep for as long as I want. The weather this past Saturday was terrible. It rained all day and night. I was actually pretty damn happy that we were stuck inside. This meant that I could sleep, sleep, and sleep some more! I alternated between reading and sleeping all day long. A day spent in my flannel covered bed with a book is my idea of utopia.

The husband wonders how I will be as a mother since I can't sleep all I want when the children come. I explain that I'm getting all my sleep in now because I know I have a limited time to enjoy it. It's a stupid excuse, but at least it shuts him up:o) Ahhh, I can't wait for the weekend to arrive.

Down and Out

It's no secret to my family and friends that I go through bouts of depression. I am not ashamed of it and am thankful that the stigma associated with it in our society has lessened. I've had my ups and downs and have learned from all the trials and tribulations I've faced over the past few years.

The first thing I learned is to accept the fact that I'll probably be on anti-depressants for the long haul. I tried stopping them completely a couple of years ago and that was a disaster. My body just needs them to be chemically in balance.

The second thing I learned is that I can't just sit around waiting for them to do their magic. It's not that easy. Although much of how I feel is chemically-related, there are always environmental factors that play a part in how I feel. I know that I'm very sensitive to stressful situations so try to avoid them as much as possible. I'm also an emotional wreck at times and am trying to control these emotions. This is difficult to do and many times, I fail.

I'm at the point right now though, where I can't distinguish chemical from environmental. What exactly is causing these feelings? For those who are fortunate enough to not know what depression feels like, it's like a black cloud that looms over your head and follows you wherever you go. There is an invisible weight on your shoulders that refuses to disappear. There are tears that sit right behind your eyes, waiting for a small, usually insignificant event, to occur and then they burst out uncontrollably with no warning.

It sounds quite horrible and I'm not going to lie, it really is. I've gone through it so many times though that I have learned to deal with it and wait for it to diminish. I've seen the bottom and don't ever plan on going back. I know that I have to work at putting myself in situations that will allow me to get emotionally and mentally healthy again. I'm trying, but damn, is it hard.

Just a Little More

I think that I will beat out all brides in the "letting it all go" race. We haven't been done with our wedding stuff for even a week and I feel the poundage creeping back onto my already "cushioned" body. I watched my diet and worked out a decent amount during the past year and a half. I did it so that I wouldn't have to have my wedding dress taken out, rather than in. I also didn't want to look like and overstuffed sausage in my chang saam. Fortunately, I was able to fit all three dresses and looked pretty good in them, if I do say so myself.

However, ever since I woke up on Sunday (the day after all the festivities were over), I have been eating like a freaking cow. I ordered bacon and pineapple pizza that day and ate 3 slices for lunch and 2 slices for dinner. I felt disgusting, but at the same time so ecstatic that I was finally eating a meal of full-fat food.

This week at work has been pretty difficult in terms of eating healthy. I keep thinking, "oh, I'll just have one more bite." and "This meal is to treat myself. I won't do it again for a while." Who am I kidding? Instead of being good and eating my Lean Cuisines and Smart Ones for lunch, I go out for sushi lunchboxes, have tuna wraps, eat sour patch kids and crunch bars, etc. I have been giving into the temptations that I would never let myself before. I also haven't even thought about going to the gym. I used to at least think about going. Even if I didn't go, I'd feel guilty about it. Now, I don't even think to go. If I do, the thought is fleeting and there's no way in hell I feel guilty about it.

I think I'll be 10 pounds heavier by the end of the month. That's hot.

A Year and a Half Later

We are finally done with the wedding! We got engaged in April of 2005, married in August of 2006, and had our Chinese banquet this past weekend on September 30th. It has been a long, exhausting, and stressful time and the end couldn't have come any sooner. This is not to say that I didn't enjoy the festivities. I definitely did. The Bermuda wedding and reception were perfect and the banquet went off with nary a problem. Of course, little hitches come up during big events, but nothing disastrous happened.

We ended up having around 370 people attend our banquet. That was about 50 fewer people than we had invited. If all 420 had come, I think we would've had to spill onto the lower floor of the restaurant. However, that wasn't the case so we were able to pack all 37 tables onto one floor.

Guests started rolling in at around 6:00 PM. We were a bit behind schedule at that point so I was going a little crazy trying to figure out what to do with these people. Things got straightened out pretty quickly and our guests were able to find their tables promptly.

I was in my red traditional dress for the first half of the banquet. In this dress, I was able to greet guests, be introduced, have my first dance, have the father/daughter dance , watch the slide show my mom put together, and take formal pictures. By the time all of this had come and gone, I still had yet to take a bite of food. Then it was time to change into my other dress. This was also traditional, but orange and gold. In this dress, I made the rounds to all 37 tables to toast with our guests. This is when the party really got started. He and our ushers drank way too much during these toasts. They drank to the point of projectile vomiting in the middle of the restaurant all at different times, but all embarrassingly in front of the guests. This includes the groom. Yes indeed, He yakked in public as well. I'm happy and proud to say that the ladies of the wedding party were able to hold our own and knew when to say when.

After the toasts, people were getting more and more intoxicated so that's when they threw their inhibitions to the wind and made their way onto the dancefloor. My parents were, as usual, cutting up the rug and looking damn good doing it. We 20 and 30 somethings could only hope to dance as well as they did that night. Even my grandparents got up and danced with us. That was extraordinary.

A group of His friends pitched in and bought us a trip to New Orleans in November for a weekend stay that includes a football game and some spa time. They gave that present to us in the middle of dancing. I was very surprised and so appreciative. I can't wait to go since I've never been before and I'm also in dire need of a vacation after all this wedding nonsense. Yes, I realize I just got back from Bermuda, but that didn't feel like a real vacation. This Louisiana trip is a blessing.

So the banquet didn't end until around 11:45 PM and at that point, I still had yet to eat more than a few bitefuls of food. Then we were off to a club called Pure. I have no idea how any of us had the energy or sobriety to get ourselves there, but somehow we did it. We stayed until closing and I got home at around 3:00 AM. After having thrown a 10 course banquet for 370 guests, I crawled into the kitchen and made ramen noodles with dumplings since I wasn't able to enjoy any of the food! That's okay though, the food was definitely secondary to the celebration with our family and friends.

Now, 3 days later, I'm still feeling the effects of the banquet. My face broke out in an itchy rash and I think it's because I had an allergic reaction to the make-up that was used on my face. I got it professionally done and paid an arm and a leg for it. What a waste! At least it didn't bother me until AFTER the big night.

The only thing left to do now is to open up all of our presents and send thank you cards out. Then we can really put this wedding stuff behind us.

I swear, if I ever get married again, I'm eloping.